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In case you wondered, this is me.

1. "Soy Products Are Very Healthy"
The widely held belief regarding soy products as a health food is a great example of how multi-million dollar figures spent on advertising and intense lobbying to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have succeeded in making about three out of every four Americans believe that soy products are good for you. Originally, only a few cultures consumed soy - in conservative quantities with specific techniques for preparation! But now it's being pushed as the "next best thing."

Research has shown that sprouted forms of soy such as tempeh, miso, natto and soybean sprouts are the only forms that can be consumed with some health benefits. All other, processed forms like soy milk, soy burgers, soy ice cream, soy cheese, trendy junk foods etc. should be avoid at all times as it has been strongly linked to thyroid disorders, kidney stones, weakened immune systems and powerful food allergies. Soy has been found to contain phytates and enzyme inhibitors, such as those found in unsprouted grains, as well as haemagglutin which causes red blood cells to clump together and inhibits oxygen up-take and growth. But perhaps the most dangerous of soy's downfalls is its high levels of phytoestrogens (the plant form of estrogen) that can indeed mimic the effects of actual human female estrogen! This has been linked to increased risk of breast cancer. Research has shown just two glasses of soy milk a day for one month are enough of this chemical to change a woman's menstrual cycle! Feeding soy to infants is even more devastating. It has been found that infants fed exclusively on soy formula are ingesting FIVE birth control pills worth of estrogen daily!

2. "Salt Is Bad for You"
The truth is, only refined salt is bad for you. Sea salt, or unprocessed salt, is a vital nutrient containing 14% of nearly 80 trace minerals vital to life, as well as naturally occurring iodine. Our bodies need this in order to function optimally. In addition to stripping salt of its nutrients, refined salt has been bleached to appear more "pure" and potassium iodide added - a potentially toxic form of iodine. Salt's bad rep comes from a plethora of studies suggesting that over-consumption leads to high blood pressure and increased chances of heart disease. However, most of the research has been done on refined salt, not on natural, unprocessed sea salts. Conclusion: use sea salt, but, like with everything else, too much of a good thing can be potentially harmful.

3. "Milk Is Good for You"
Unfortunately, milk is something you should try to learn to live without, unless it's raw milk (but I doubt you'll get a chance to pour freshly milked milk on your morning cereal if you live in the city...) or certified organic milk. We were simply not designed to drink milk other than the milk coming from our mothers. And the milk you find in any regular grocery store is so processed it will lead to more problems than benefits. The dairy industry maintains that pasteurization is necessary to prevent disease. We now know that the naturally occurring lactic acid-producing bacteria in raw milk protects it from pathogens - until it's killed by pasteurization, that is! In fact, all outbreaks of salmonella from contaminated milk in recent decades (there have been many) occurred in pasteurized milk. The high temperatures used during the process kill important enzymes and renders the milk's amino acids, vitamins, calcium and many other minerals/trace minerals virtually useless and unavailable to the body. This is the reason why you can drink all the processed milk you want and not only still develop osteoporosis but perhaps encourage it! There is now also evidence that the heating process alters the milk sugar (lactose) making it more available to the body, suggesting the strong link between avid processed milk drinkers and diabetes. Homogenization is not good either. Finally, growth hormones commonly injected to cows have been associated with breast cancer, human colorectal tumors, and colon cancer growth.

I don't care how many celebrities let themselves be photographed with that silly white "milk" mustache, know that there are healthier ways to increase your calcium intake. For example, you can eat spinach, sesame seeds, collard greens, oranges, brazil nuts, broccoli to name a few great non-dairy sources. The only truly acceptable source of dairy and therefore calcium is high-quality certified organic yogurts.

4. "Tap Water Is Safe to Drink"
Many people believe that tap water in most parts of the United States - and particularly in New York City! - is perfectly safe to drink. This is not true. Depending on where you live, your tap water will contain up to 700 pollutants (and possibly many more undetected ones). Two of the worst pollutants are fluoride and chlorine.

Research shows that fluoridized water have led to record-high fluoride poisoning, resulting in all kinds of problems in the human body. Initially, fluoride was added to tap water in an attempt to strengthen teeths. We now know that the supposed benefits of fluoride are too few to warrant its many destructive qualities. Fluoride accumulates in bones, making them more susceptible to fracture, as well as accumulating in the pineal gland, which could lower the production of melatonin. Recent research has discovered a possible link between fluoride and arthritis as well as hypothyroidism. Fluoride has also been found to increase the uptake of aluminum into the brain as well as inhibiting antibodies from forming in the blood. This essentially confuses the immune system and can lead to tumor development. To top it all off, this chemical has also been found to damage the dental enamel of children!

Like the dairy industry pasteurize milk in an attempt to kill unwanted organisms, chlorine is added to tap water for the same noble reasons. The problem is that, like pasteurization, chlorinating water kills all its organisms, good as well as bad. This leads to an imbalanced gut, impeding many important functions of a properly functioning organ. As it that wasn't enough, chlorine has been linked to various cancers as well as to serious birth defects.

If you want to drink tap water, make sure you filter it with a reverse osmosis filter first to get rid of all the pollutants. You can also choose to only drink high quality bottled water such as Fiji, Vitell, and Evian. Glass bottles are best.

5. "Eggs Are Bad for Your Heart and Lead to High Cholesterol"
Nothing could be further from the truth! With the big cholesterol scare of the 1970s, eggs took an unfortunate downhill slide. But after decades of research, it has now been proven that eating up to three eggs per day is perfectly acceptable and even recommended for healthy adults. Eggs, the yolk included, are not only an excellent source of protein but they are also a great source of dietary fats - as long as it is an egg that came from a chicken that lived an organic, free-range life. Eggs from commercially raised chickens are low quality and should be avoided. So please, feel free to enjoy your eggs from now, but make sure you eat the entire egg, not just the egg whites.

(Copied from The San Francisco Chronicle)

Chris Gardner is at the top of his game. Hell, he's at the top of anybody's game.

Money. Power. Looks. Houses. Cars. A beautiful woman. A closet stuffed with hundreds of custom-made suits. A Rolodex stuffed with thousands of name-brands, from Michael Jordan to Nelson Mandela, from society glitterati to Wall Street chieftains. And to top it off, he's no blue blood. He's black. And he used to be homeless, right here on the streets of San Francisco.

Gardner, 54, is the stuff that movies and books are made of. And, in fact, they have been. Remember the 2006 movie "The Pursuit of Happyness"? That was about Garnder's life based on his memoir with the same name.

Gardner was born in Louisiana in 1954, the second oldest of four children. When he was about a year old, his mother and two uncles got in a car with him and his older sister, and started driving up north to Canada, where they felt opportunities were greater for a black family. The car broke down in Milwaukee, and by the time his uncles saved enough to fix the car, the family decided they might as well stay put.

He grew up working-class in the black neighborhoods. He says his stepfather was abusive. When he was about 6, he says, his mother tried to burn down the house with his stepfather in it. She went to state prison for four years, and he was shuffled among relatives and foster homes. He saw his real father only twice: when he was a father himself, at age 28, and at his father's funeral.

Growing up, Gardner was a smart kid, not that his grades showed it. College was not an interest. He wanted to be the next Miles Davis. Besides, the idea of "making it" was not a part of his world view.

"I didn't grow up in a household where dinner conversation was 'How did the market do today?' " he says.

He says he "barely" graduated from high school in 1971. When he was 17, the Vietnam draft was on. Gardner joined the Navy.

He was assigned to be a medic. Alas, instead of seeing the world, he was stationed at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina for four years. Gardner became the camp's proctology assistant, and spent years poking his superior officers where the sun didn't shine.

"That's how I got so good in business,'' says Gardner. "Dealing with so many a -- holes."

A staff heart surgeon offered Gardner a job when he got out of the service, and Gardner ended up in San Francisco, working as a research lab assistant at UCSF and the veterans hospital. He thought for a while of becoming a doctor, but the long years of college and medical school put a damper on it. His assistant's job paid about $8,000 a year, and even in the early 1980s, that was no money at all, especially with a live-in girlfriend and a child. They couple eventually had a boy and a girl, now 24 and 19.

After four years, he quit the job and doubled his salary as a salesman of medical equipment.

He was in the parking lot at San Francisco General Hospital one day when a man driving a red Ferrari pulled up behind him to get his space. Gardner told him he'd give him the space on the condition that he answer two questions:

"What do you do for a living?"

"How do you get to do that?''

The man was a stockbroker. Right then and there, Gardner decided that he would be, too.

It took him 10 months of knocking on doors to land a trainee spot. The stock business was a white man's profession, but Gardner doesn't blame race for how hard it was to get a foot in. He says it was "place-ism" -- or really, class. He didn't have a college degree or parents who were professionals. He didn't play golf or have a network of well-to-do friends who could be prospective clients.

Finally, he got a break. He had survived several rounds of interviews at Dean Witter, and had one more to go. That's when a police officer checking his tags discovered he had $1,200 in outstanding parking tickets. With no money to pay them he was jailed for 10 days. When he got out, he discovered his girlfriend, his son and all his clothes gone. He showed up for the interview in the same clothes he'd worn before going to jail. Rather than try to make up a story, he told the truth. Turned out the interviewer had been through a messy divorce or two. Gardner got the job.

A few months later, his girlfriend showed up at his boardinghouse with their son. She couldn't take care of him anymore, she told Gardner. It was his turn. The boardinghouse did not allow children, and with another mouth to feed and diapers and day care costs on his $1,000-a-month trainee salary, Gardner and his son took to flophouses, soup kitchens and the streets.

Between the help from soup kitchens and his slow but steady success as a stockbroker, Gardner says, he was able to break free after a year of homelessness.

He moved over to Bear Stearns, and a few years later, he moved to New York City to work for the firm on Wall Street. Then, in 1989 he opened his own stock brokerage firm, Gardner Rich & Co., in Chicago. And he finally bought that Ferrari: from Michael Jordan.

A couple of years ago, KPIX in San Francisco featured Gardner in a segment on Glide. Someone at ABC-TV spotted it, and he ended up in a "20/20" episode. Since then, he's been bombarded with requests, including a call from the "Oprah" show. And he got a call from his long-lost dream girl from BART 23 years ago. Though they dated occasionally and crossed paths again in New York and Chicago, they "were in the same place but not in the same space" -- until now.

Gardner has been in the city for the filming for six weeks, and they've been seeing each other nonstop. He says he's crazy in love with her, so much so that he hopes to be a father again -- with her as his wife. He'll even move to San Francisco to be with her.

In the meantime, Gardner is enjoying the city the way he wasn't able to when he was homeless. Now it's social galas and private parties with all the top people.

Gardner doesn't see his as a rags-to-riches story. What he hopes people come away with is that life is full of possibility if you put your heart into it and don't give up.

On his earlier trips to the city once he'd made it, Gardner would book a room at the Hyatt with a view of Union Square so he could see where he and his son had camped out on the grass and benches. This time, he's at the Fairmont Hotel.

"Those were the darkest days of my life,'' he says. "I'm ready to let it go."

Ask Julia - Is It Possible to Get Rid of Cellulite? Q: I'm a 40-year-old high school teacher who is happy with her body in general except for the fact that I have cellulite on my thighs and not just on the backside but on the front too. This has been going on for the last 7-8 years now despite that I work out with weights two times a week and then I also do either the stairmaster or I run 3-4 miles two to three times a week. I'm 5'6 and weigh 138. While I have to admit that I love food, I watch what I eat, I drink lots of water, and try to stay away from sweets and greasy food. From what I understand, those cellulite creams don't really work, so I haven't tried them. Now I'm thinking that maybe I should. Please help me!

Some of what you can do to combat cellulite, you are already doing it seems like: exercise regularly to increase circulation and minmize fat storage, eat a healthy diet of mainly unprocessed, organic, fresh foods (vegetables, fruit, lean protein, and good fats on top of that list), drink good-quality water and minimize intake of alcohol. It's also important to lower your stress in life (as stress leads to more cortisol which leads to more fat storage) and sleep adequately. However, if you, in addition to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, can lower the subcutaneous body fat on your legs, your chances of a cellulite free life increase dramatically.

The reason just about every man, fat as well as skinny, have such smooth, cellulite-free legs is because they accumulate very little fat on top of their thighs and butt. This means that women who have little fat on their legs also have a cellulite-free lower body - despite their tendency for more irregular connective tissue. I have come to this conclusion based on years of measuring the subcutaneous body fat on hundreds of men and women. The only women with completely smooth legs are the women who store their fat more like men (around their stomach as opposed to on their butts and thighs) or women with an extremely low body fat percentage (12-15%).

Lowering your body fat percentage to such a low percentage is hard to do and not particularly healthy. But what you can do if you want to improve your cellulite is to try to get it down to, say 17-18%. Unless you are very muscular weighing 138 and measuring 5'6, I'm guessing your body fat isn't close to this number but a lot higher, especially since you say your cellulite started appearing in your early thirties. This is a time most women notice changes in their bodies because they lose more and more muscle mass. Are you doing a full body workout when you weight train or are you just working out certain areas? Are you changing your workout routine regularly, including cardio workouts? Was it only recently that you started working out? If you don't know how to properly train yourself, I suggest seeing a good trainer for at least a few sessions to learn more about what you should do to lower your body fat. Lastly, some experts claim foam rolling your trouble areas every day may improve cellulite. But stay away from creams as these only temporarily relieve your problems.

The study also casts some doubt on a previously released study which linked digit length and male aggression.

While both situations were first thought to have been caused by exposure to elevated levels of prenatal testosterone in the womb, research conducted using lab mice yielded no concrete evidence to support that original hypothesis.

The new study, conducted using 1,000 white mice, seems to support a stronger connection between digit length, voluntary exercise and high levels of prenatal stress hormones, which was indicated by the difference in activity level between the control mice and the selectively-bred active mice.

Given the results, the findings suggest that prenatal stress rather than prenatal testosterone levels in the womb, forms a component of the inherent desire for physical activity.

"The research shows a link, or relationship, between the brain, behaviour and personality traits and the shape of the hand," said Peter Hurd, University of Alberta psychology professor and one of the lead researchers. "It opens the door to the notion that aspects of one's personality, in this case the desire to exercise, are fixed very early in life."

Are you one of those people who think about raiding the vending machine at 4 pm? Sugar on the brain? Are pasta and bread two of your favorite foods? Do you find it hard to have just one chip or one cookie? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone!

"How can I control my cravings for carbs" is one of the most common questions I get asked in my private practice. Let me start by telling you that you are not alone. Carb cravings are very common. The good news is that there is usually a reason as to why you are craving carbs. By making some changes in what and when you eat, you may be able to at least lessen these cravings.

Common causes of carb cravings:

1. Going too long without eating. This will lead to low blood sugar which will increase the urge to eat bad carbs. I doubt many of you crave broccoli - a good carb - when you haven't eaten for 8 hours! My guess is that you would be looking for something starchy or sugary.

2. Consuming too many processed low fiber carbs. Foods such as white rice, white bread, sweets and other sugary foods are low in fiber and have a high glycemic index. Eating high glycemic foods (especially larger portions) can cause a quick spike in blood sugar, followed by a quick drop. This stimulates hunger and can cause the urge to eat more carbohydrates.

3. Not eating adequate protein at meals. Eating meals that contain only carbohydrate (i.e. a jumbo bagel, big bowl of pasta or frozen yogurt with granola) will cause a more rapid rise and fall of blood sugar. This can exacerbate cravings. Protein helps to keep blood sugar levels and promotes satiety. Therefore, you feel full longer when you include protein at meals.

4. Not eating adequate fat at meals. Many of my clients are fat phobic and will go out of their way to avoid eating fat. Fat free butter spray, fat free salad dressing, etc. Fat takes a long time to digest, helps to prevent rapid peaks and drops of blood sugar and helps keep you full longer. Of course, the key is not to overdulge in fat as it is loaded with calories. I will talk more about how much fat you should eat a day in a later post.

5. Taking your caloric intake too low. When your consume too few calories, your hypothalmus produces extra NPY, a chemical messenger that encourages you to eat more bad carbohydrates. In addition, the hypothalmus secretes another chemical called galanin which increases cravings for foods rich in fat and carbs. Take home message: eating too few calories = cravings for high carb foods.

6. Getting inadequate sleep. Sleep affects hormones that regulate satiety, hunger and how efficiently you burn calories. Too little sleep can lower levels of leptin and raise levels of ghrelin, which can increase hunger for sweet and/or starchy foods.

7. Consuming inadequate carbs, especially if you are an active person. Exercising on a regular basis and not consuming adequate carbs will cause you to have powerful carb cravings as well as low energy levels. (Julia's note: Keep in mind that each person has his or her own inherent carb needs, depending on their metabolic type. Some simply need more than others - even without exercise. To find out what metabolic type you are, read this article.) This is because carbs are the major fuel used by exercising muscles. Your body likes to keep your energy stores full of energy (called glycogen). If you exercise on a regular basis and don’t eat enough carbs, your body will go into “carb seeking mode” as it tries to replete its glycogen stores. In addition, you will likely find your energy levels plummet.

8. Having high stress levels. High levels of stress can cause chemical imbalances in your body. Cortisol is produced by the adrenal glands in your body when you are under stress. Cortisol will increase production of a neurotransmitter called neuropeptide, which as I previously discussed, can increase cravings for sweet or starchy foods (bad carbs).

So now that you have some ideas as to why you have carb cravings, you can take a look at your diet and come up with a plan as to what you need to work on. Stay tuned for my next post in which I will give you tips on how to decrease your carb cravings!

Check out Martha's useful nutrition blog at CityGirlBites

By Serge Prengel from the web site: ProactiveChange.com.

"I seek the serenity to accept what I cannot change; the courage to change what I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Step One:

I realize I'm stuck. It makes no sense to keep trying to solve my problems with "solutions" that aren't working.

Someone once said: "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you'll try to solve everything by hammering."Well, if the hammer isn't solving the problem, it may very well be time to try something else.

The problem is, you may feel the hammer really should be working...that it will actually work if you try a little longer. There is nothing wrong with persistence. But STEP ONE introduces another component: Accountability.

It's not enough to just say: I believe it will be working one day if I just keep trying. You have to set goals and deadlines. Not for the sake of putting pressure on yourself...But in order to face the reality of what is happening. STEP ONE is looking squarely at reality. If what you're doing is not working, you acknowledge that. When you do, you're left with a feeling of emptiness - you don't know what to do, or even if there is a solution. It can be really scary.

Step Two:

I'm willing to let go of my usual ways in hopes that this will make me see things from a broader perspective.

In STEP ONE, you realized the absurdity of clinging to "solutions" that don't work. Why then do you still cling to them? Because it feels safer to have some kind of solution (even one that doesn't work) than not having one at all. STEP TWO is about letting go of this uselessl "Solutions" to make room for new ones. Now, of course, there is absolutely no guarantee that you will find a solution that will work. There's a big difference between hoping that things will work out, vs. demanding and expecting that they will. It is quite possible that your fears will turn out to be realized. But, even then, you can keep the hope that there's still potential for happiness, even after your fears are realized.

Step Three:

I shift my focus on being focused on my problems to seeking a sense of wholeness and contentment in my life. The THIRD STEP is a leap of faith, but not necessarily religious faith. What is it about?

You decide to put your efforts into increasing your sense of wholeness and contentment in your life. This is harder to do than it seems. It feels really scary of letting go of the "SOlution" you think you have. It feels like, instead of dealing with the problem, you're giving up. The more stuck you are, the more you feel the only way out is to try harder doing what you're already doing. What enables you to let go, is the hope that it will work out. As you feel more whole and satisfied with your life, you will be in a better position to deal with what now seems impossible to change.

Step Four:

I honestly look at the effects on my actions on others and myself.

When things aren't working well, the temptation is to hunker down, become defensive, and try to prove why what you are doing should work. Of course, this won't magically make things work.

STEP FOUR is about stepping away from the heat of battles, and taking a non-partisan look at your actions. Does it mean you were bad, and that you now have to become good? No, you're certainly not becoming an angel (or trying to convince yourself that you are one). If you try to go that route, your life will become even more unmanageable. All you have to do is try not to be so defensive. That is, try to face the reality of what you do without jumping to justify it in the same breath.

Step Five:

I take responsibility for my actions.

STEP FIVE is not about saying "I hurt this people, but that's because they hurt me first." Blaming someone else - no matter how richly they deserve it - is a way of not fully feeling these feelings of hurt and anger, of toning them down. Because, when you blame others, you are putting your attention of what others are doing. You're saying: "If it weren't for what you did, it wouldn't have happened." This step is about admitting what may be difficult to admit. If you think we're being coerced into "taking responsibility", the image that comes to mind is that of the stern interrogator - the cop who's badgering the suspect to confess. In that sense, you'll tend to see things as a battle of wills against the tough cop. Your goal will then be to avoid admitting anything incriminating. Taking responsibility for what you do is a way of realizing that you are an active agent in the world. In other words, you aren't powerless, even if you're not yet aware of the ways in which your power manifests, or if you don't like these ways. As you get more of a sense of your power, you will be able to redirect it to focus on what you really want out of life.

Step Six:

I see that my knee-jerk reactions have to do with being in the grip of more or less conscious fears.

We all have a whole range of character defenses. Some are pretty innocuous and others are more problematic. For instance, take a greedy character. You could say greed is a major defect. On the other hand, being greedy can also be seen as a defense against the fear of starvation. What's a character defense? Something we're accustomed to doing automatically, in order to consciously or unconsciously avoid dealing with something difficult. Talking about "defense" does not condone the questionable behavior. It just makes it more understandable why people hang on to these behaviors.You don't use your character defenses because you want to be laughed at. Or because you revel in being evil. At some level, you believe this behavior is a protection against something you fear a lot. If you pay attention, you'll notice that you go into a defense behavior when you feel threatened. So when you are in a very stressful situation, you'll tend to fall back onto your defenses a lot more than usual. Step Six is about getting ready to let go of your character defenses. Which means it's about realizing how much more important they are to you than you had thought. After all, if they weren't, it wouldn't be so hard to change! So you decide to explore your fears in order to eventually be less governed by your fear and defenses...in order to be more willing to go with the flow instead of automatically resisting.

Step Seven:

I strive to find my motivation in a deeper meaning of who I really am, rather than fear and defensiveness.

In STEP SIX you noticed that your actions are oftne motivated by your character defenses. So you are now paying attention to your impulses. Before you did that it felt like you had no choice over what you did. Now, as you're becoming more aware of what is behind your actions, you gain the possibility of making different choices. The wager you're making, as you get more of a sense of wholeness and contentment in your life, the choices you make will be less influenced by fear and the kneejerk reactions they induce. It is humbling to realize that you have conflicting emotions, and that the most powerful ones aren't necessarily the ones you're the proudest of. Little by little, you learn that lasting transformation doesn't occur through sheer force of will. Rather, it's a result of slowly observing your inner conflicts and fears, and progressively shifting from fear-based reactions to ones grounded in a deeper, safer sense of self. As you through this process, you'll develop a sense of awe - something akin to what religious people may describe a prayer, in the sense that praying is about being open rather than placing an order.

Step Eight:

I stop blaming and feeling blamed, with a willingness to heal my wounds.

There is a great satisfaction in getting revenge for what others did to you. If you can hurt them, at least you'll stop, in turn, being a punching bag, you'll show them! It's understandable that there are people you'd love to hurt even more than you've done so far. STEP EIGHT is about realizing how much revenge and blame are ingrained in all of us...and starting to walk away from these tendencies. Why is that? As long as you keep blaming others (or feeling susceptible to blame), you cast yourself in the role of the powerless victim, You say you have no power over you actions. You pretend that you're such a powerless puppy that even the harmful things you do are other people's responsibility!

Step Nine:

I swallow my pride and sincerely apologize to people I've hurt, unless doing such a thing would be counterproductive.

There's a big difference between STEP EIGHT and NINE because the latter is asctually about apologizing. INstead of being essentially in conversation with yourself, you're now facing another person. You've hurt this person which means he or she won't be favorably disposed toward you. There's the possibility that the person just doesn't get it, is still resentful, makes fun of your attempts...Just the thought of it makes it harder to apologize. It's tempting to think: "What really counts is that I've resolved it inside. I figured out what I've done wrong, I've become ready and willing to make apologizes. So why bother actually confronting another person, and submit myself to reactions beyond my control?" A big change happens, inside you, after you apologize to people you've hurt. It may be difficult to figure out when it's appropriate to apologize and when it's not. Welcome to the real world. You can only learn this by trial and error.

Step Ten:

I live mindfully, paying attention to the motives and effects of my actions.

STEP TEN means staying conscious of what you do in life as opposed to living in a cloud of denial. Taking responsibility for you actions. STEP TEN has you ask: Did this move help me move toward where I want to go? Or, to put it in a more colorful way: HOw can you expect to soar with eagles when you behave like a turkey? Ultimately, STEP TEN is about keeping in mind who you are and what you want out of life. Admitting being wrong is not about staying in a childlike role - the bad little kid who gets punished for being wrong. It's about noticing where you went off course, and gently putting yourself back on the right track. This is a good time to revisit earlier times, about being defensive, about shoulds...

Step Eleven:

I stay tuned inside, in touch with a broader sense of who I really am, and a deeper sense of what I really want.

This step is about continuing doing the right thing. It's about going beyond the tight boundaries of your habits and knee-jerk reactions. "The right thing" is not just that what takes you out of a tight spot. Doing the right thing gives you the sense that what you're doing is in harmony with the order of all things. Suppose you're getting angry at somebody and laying a lot of blame on them at a time when you can get away with it. It may feel good at the moment - it lets you get of steam. But it certainly isn't something that makes you feel especially in harmony with your higher sense of self. Nor is it an action you feel especially proud of. This is not a water tight definition of "doing the right thing" - it has a lot of holes. There are ways to improve on it. On the other hand, there's merit to this lack of precision. This step is about intuitively feeling what's right, as opposed to analyzing it with your logical mind. What's implicit in this step - and in the entire 12-Step Approach - is that we're inherently good. All we have to do is let ourselves connect with what is good within ourselves - whether you call it God, a Higher Power, or anything else.

Step Twelve:

As I feel better about myself, I reach out to others who feel stuck.

In the original wording of the Step, the expression "Spiritual Awakening" suggests that something very powerful is happening. It implies that you're asleep until you have this awakening. When you're asleep, you may not notice what's happening around you. But you certainly notice the alarm clock that's waking you. The world outside doesn't change. What changes is the way you experience it. From feeling powerless and victimized, you now feel more at peace with the world. This is a different perspective, a much broader one. There are still many things you'll feel powerless about. But you'll take fewer of the things that you are powerless about as a personal insult. You'll tend to get less mired into what frustrates you. And you'll direct more of your energy where you have power to get what you want. In other words, you feel better about yourself. This process is not about acquiring anything other than habits. It's about practicing these habits, one day at a time.

This month's exercise is a full body exercise good for intermediate to advanced exercisers with no shoulder problems. (Beginners - focus on becoming proficient doing squats and overhead presses as separate exercises first, then put them together using very light weights.) Full body strength exercises - or compound exercises - are a great, time-efficient way to build muscle while burning the maximum amount of calories. Because you are using your entire body, your heart rate will go up high. If this doesn't make sense to you now, don't worry: after you have performed the exercise, it will. Make sure you move your belly button toward your spine throughout the exercise so that your core is activated. In doing this, you'll get a great abs workout too while protecting your lower back.

The following three photos from ptonthenet.com, an educational Web site for fitness professionals, show you exactly how to perform a squat with overhead dumbell presses. Make sure your feet are shoulder width apart with feet pointing straight ahead and knees over 2nd & 3rd toes. Hold dumbbells at chest level with palms facing body. Start with a weight which is lower than you think you can handle and do 20 to 30 repetitions with this weight. When you feel certain you are mastering the exercise, you can begin challenging yourself with a heavier weight and fewer reps (three sets of 12-15 should be your range for general strength training). Good luck!

Beginning

Middle

End